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A Letter to Colorado’s Governor Ritter

16 December 2008

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Governor Ritter:

Since it seems that Senator Salazar will be taking a position in the Department of the Interior, I think you should seriously consider appointing me to his open Senate seat. My arguments are as follows.

A. I have no money. Nor does anyone I know. So no one could ever accuse you of “selling” the seat.

B. I promise to make it interesting as I never learned it’s impolite to ask, “Who farted?” I’m an obnoxious outsider who thinks bathing is a requirement after dealing with politicians too much. When I see something stupid, I say it; I don’t care what the emperor is wearing.

C. I’m a center-leaning Democrat who believes in both cutting spending and cutting taxes, but the former before the latter. And from a seriously “Red” county I’ve got no “pork” I want to send back home.

D. I wear a size 11.5, B-width shoe, which is very aerodynamic for throwing.

E. All the other people I’ve heard mentioned as candidates are doing great jobs right where they’re at, so leave them there; I’m just a geek so sending me away would open up a position here in Colorado. I imagine that some of my co-workers would support this.

F. I believe in term limits and will only run once after the appointment.

Your humble constituent.

- David Reed

Posted by dcreed Filed in Blatherings